ASK SOPHIE -- SEPTEMBER 28TH EDITION
Sophie answers your questions this week in her eleventh column and the first of this year! Please be aware that these questions will be written over from week to week, not archived, so if there is an answer you would like to be able to look at again, we recommend saving it.
If you want to ask Sophie a question, use this form.
Now, on to the column!
Dear Sophie,
Every time my roommate loses something, she blames me. Recently, she accused me of stealing $10 from her. She has done this in the past, only to discover that her lost items are hidden in her bed or desk. I can assure you that I did not take her money, but how can I convince her? We're usually fairly close, but I'm quite tired of being blamed for her absent-mindedness!
Thanks,
A Frustrated Roomate
Dear Frustrated Roomate,
I think the problem is not that she’s blaming you for being absentminded so much as she completely and utterly doesn’t trust you. It would probably be in your best interest to try and talk to her about why she feels she can’t trust you. Did you do something in the past to make her think so? Perhaps you did or said something to give the impression she can’t trust you that you’re not aware of. Maybe she simply has trouble trusting people. Regardless the only way to stop your roommate from always suspecting you is to find out why she doesn’t in the first place. Once you find that out you can then try and build up the trust between you both. After you’ve built up some trust she’ll stop asking you if you took her things and instead start asking if you’ve seen them. Take note however, that if you’ve done something to break her trust in you (as opposed to it just never being there in the first place) it may be impossible to ever get back completely, but your desire to try is always a good step.
Dear Sophie,
I think I might be gay. I've been having sudden feelings towards my friends... I love going in the locker room because I get to see other girls. What should I do?! Please help me!
Thanks,
Confused
Dear Confused,
“To thine own self be true.” This might be a difficult and troubling time for you, but luckily, you’re at Smith! So take a deep breath, relax, and try to understand your feelings without judging them. Despite what opinions you might have been raised around, there’s nothing wrong with being gay. Denying who you truly are to yourself is a horrible sort of torture. Also don’t forget that being attracted to girls doesn’t mean you’re not also attracted to guys. College is the time to explore yourself so don’t be frightened! I don’t suggest throwing yourself completely into being a lesbian if you aren’t certain that’s what you are, but allow room to be surprised by yourself. Self exploration is a lifelong activity, what you are now probably won’t be what you are ten years from now. But remember that no matter what you find out about yourself, you’re still you. Good luck!
Dear Sophie,
The ink is barely dry on my Smith diploma, but I'm already realizing personal success! I like my new apartment, the city I’m in, and my job. However, I do have one niggling thing... there was a Prof at Amherst that I had the BIGGEST crush on. I'm wondering... how sketchy would it be for me to email him to flirt, now that I'm no longer his student?
~Pining
Dear Pining,
Well, the nice thing about graduating is the professor/student impropriety is gone. However, there is still, theoretically, an age impropriety and possibly an infidelity impropriety. The thing about most Professor crushes though is that the real attraction is the “improperness” of it. Ask yourself if you’re really interested in your old Prof as a person or as a thrill? If you really are interested in your Prof as a person, then start thinking of them as one. Imagine them as an Amherst student you knew. Would it be sketchy for you to contact them then? Only you know what your relationship was like with your Prof while you were here, so only you would know if you were close enough for them to find you contacting them after graduation somewhat natural. An e-mail out of nowhere from a student the Prof barely spoke to would probably be taken rather poorly. Also, it sounds as if you’re no where near the 5-College Valley anymore. If that’s the case I highly advise against contacting your old Prof, the affair would not be convenient and it would make me wonder if your interest is more in line with not wanting to let go of your college years. So to review: carefully examine your motives for wanting to contact your Prof; consider how your contacting them would seem from their side of it; and then act accordingly. Best of Luck!
Love,
Sophie
$$$ for College